there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
