but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
