I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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