Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
