so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
