Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize