I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
