If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
