Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
