i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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