Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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