I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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