i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
