I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
