the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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