My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
