Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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