I skipped work to stalk him.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
