"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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