LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
