Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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