I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize