dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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