why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize