fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
