Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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