so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
