we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
tell me about the fingering
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