so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize