I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
