I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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