I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
