wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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