Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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