I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
