Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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