It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
