Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
