they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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