fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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