that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
