Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
