She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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