You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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