Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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