That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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