dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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