Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
