i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Buhtt sex?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
