yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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