I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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