she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
