Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
