he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
