I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
