where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
