I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
id be glad to
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
