Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just pee around me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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