I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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