addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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