I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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