I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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