he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
