I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
