a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize