Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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