i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
