I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
