when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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