you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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