paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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