i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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