Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
