When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
