after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
