I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
