dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize