"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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