Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize