that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
