i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
