that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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