I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
