I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
